ok, so what i'm about to say sounds pretty awful, but...

when i hear about other college couples breaking up, it makes me feel a little better. i feel bad for them, because i know a tiny bit of how that feels and how much it hurts, but at least i'm not the only one that feels so damn sad.

great. he wants his watch back.

weekends in general put me all out of whack because i don't know what to do with myself. it's like free time overload.

i realize how old that makes me sound, and it's sad.

i feel like a big nerd for saying it, but i had such a good time in my english classes today. it's so great to learn and love what you're learning.

overall, i'm just having a good day. i never like it when people are too self-satisfied, but things are currently quite good.

i've realized that despite all the mini-crushes, i really haven't found anyone worth pursuing. and it feels kinda nice. :)

apologies for the momentary brainfart and mistakes made this weekend. i still want my exboyfriend to die. hahah.

it might just be the caffeine, but i've been telling random people that i'd rather my ex die a horrible death than deal with seeing him around campus/hearing who he's been hooking up with.
...i'm pretty sure i'm going to hell, if there is one.

i've decided that i have to simultaneously care more about some things and care less about others. i realize that's very vague, but it's mostly because i haven't figured out which things i need to prioritize. the thing is, it's hard to prioritize feelings. oh god. i'm such a girl.
it's all very crazy.

randomly, for a second there i pictured a glimpse of myself a couple of years from now. at some point, i'll accept how things are and how they've turned out to be. and i think i can talk to you again when i stop having questions. i think our biggest flaw was that we got together too soon, while there were too many questions still up in the air and too many bad memories around.
anyway, the good thing is, i can picture myself feeling peaceful again, and feeling better about things.
i was also talking to my brother tonight, and he was telling me that he was sad that i was leaving LA. it's pretty tough to hear this because, i guess, it's the first time i've heard it from anyone since i've announced that i'm going to texas. i suppose i've been so caught up in the idea of going that i haven't had the time to take into account all the emotions.
it's all very overwhelming.

i apologize for my recent craziness. i promise i'm trying to get it under control.

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Word of the Day for Wednesday January 18, 2006

quondam \KWAHN-duhm; KWAHN-dam\, adjective:
Having been formerly; former; sometime.

as in, why do people feel the need to bring up my quondam boyfriend? sure, from time to time, i bring it upon myself, but i'm tired of getting bulletins from people. especially when they consist of something like, "i saw him today." WOW. thanks! that update was helpful in so many ways.

seriously, folks. it's been a while, but i take a long time to process things. stop talking to me about it like i want to hear about him.

i know, i'm touchy. deal with it.

lol. i swear, the bitchiness will wear off eventually too.

so i'm on this terrible cart tour where the two people aren't really laughing at any of my jokes, nor giving me much expression or reaction at all, when out of the corner of my eye...
you never want to see your ex with someone else. but the sting is just slightly harsher when it's with a girl he left you for a year ago. just when you think she's out of your life, she pops in as a reminder of everything you couldn't be.
and i didn't know if i should be hurt, or angry, or jealous. but i stumbled along, continuing with the tour, trying not to look back.
and i faked it all pretty well.